So, apparently the new big thing is about finding your “happy place”.

We are told we must strive for it and take responsibility for it.

Oki doki. I guess we will be doing this in between petrol hikes, interest rate rockets, wars, coffee machine repair men who think urgent means tomorrow and the general warm and fuzzy feelings that are displayed by the CBD workers who wear cranky pants. What’s cranky pants? Well, there was a point a little while ago when one of my chefs (who I can’t name because as she is about to be a beautiful bride & I would not want to humiliate her….uh oh, did I say that out loud?) was a bit moody all the time. And then it became contagious.

We called it strop, and we used to always ask whose turn it was to be stroppy. Then we decided that it would be easier to have some kind of identifying mark for the person with strop. So she bought a pair of BIG PINK GRANNY UNDIES which said strop person had to wear.

Please don’t panic, we observe strict fashion rules and they were worn over their clothes for the duration of their strop. Unfortunately, our customers – who also seem to possess much strop, did not embrace our solution.

Thus was born “…. Oh, I think table 43 has cranky pants” or “Mr Large Skim Flat White has very tight cranky pants on” or “is there anyone today who is not wearing cranky pants!” We also have the stupid step, but let’s leave that for May.

We Just Love It When Our Customers…..

• Think that chucking money on the counter is OK.
• Pat themselves down frantically for ½ hour looking for their wallets while a queue builds up down the street.
• Look everywhere but at you when they are talking to you.
• Look at your chest the whole time they are talking to you as if you didn’t have a face.
• Wave you down frantically screaming that they are ready to order and then proceed to read the menu out loud to you as they contemplate what they want for the next 2 hours.
• Tell you about the 65 food allergies they have and for the record people, so not interested in what your spastic colon does or doesn’t do.
• Make reservations for 10 people and only 4 turn up but won’t sit at smaller table.
• Make reservations for 4 people and 10 turn up and want to sit at a smaller table.
• Send emails for a catering order but don’t know when, where or what they want. Sorry, crystal ball broken.
• Think it’s OK to bring food from home but sit at our tables to eat. Would you take beer to a pub?
• Prefer to wait until the food is on the table and then say “oh, there’s chicken in my chicken caesar, I didn’t ask for chicken, I’m vegetarian.” Bacon is not a vegetable!
• Ring up and say they are looking for someone. “He’s about 5 foot 5 (most people are sitting down), dark suit (how individual of them, a real standout there) and he’s with 2 other people.” At about this point I get strop and the pink cranky pants are circling. Obviously mine are CK or DKNY.

Until next time we express creative information between gorgeous, attractive and modest people,

here’s to a good dose of Lust & a strong Latte.