We all know that I am not really a waitress. Or at least not only a waitress. I am really the counsellor, the event organiser, the marriage referee, the ultimate PA, a great barista, an awesome warrior waitress and my boss’s right & left hand. Basically I fix everything while serving people. I observe the perplexing bad behaviour of people who frequent our establishment. The complex personalities who really find it difficult to behave well, but incredibly easy to behave and act like buffoons. And those who have sometimes either lost the plot or just left it at home for the day. Its not that I don’t like my job, its that I think maybe I like it too much. My people need me…..

Mr Strong Flat White / sparkling mineral water has been coming in for 6 years. I first met him and Ms Weak Flat White when they had just become engaged. Really nice guy and she was actually a lovely lady. In the beginning. They use to come in every morning without fail. Even after they got married, right up until the babies. Then it was sometimes at lunch. Fast forward 3 years & 2 children later. She starts coming in late in the day for a coffee with a new Flat White. Then Mr Strong Flat White starts coming in the mornings with a Large Flat White. I didn’t really think much of it until he came in one morning and starts to tell me all about it. So I know his new fling, I know her new fling but neither of them knows the other one. And they have to do it around me. Now fast forward 2 years. He’s remarried, got another one on the way. She’s got another one as well but chosen not to marry this one. They all come in together now. And they talk about each other when the other one runs late. I want to take pictures and make like a family tree for VIVO, but my boss says that’s not nice. So? I’m not the one doing the The Bold & The Beautiful on George St. I’m the observer, kind of like the unofficial historian. I really should document the history of VIVO, can you imagine how interested most people would be.

Miss Diet Coke has started going to TAFE at night. Her boyfriend Mr Large Long Black is so supportive of her. Packs her lunch (like that’s gonna help my tip Jar), gets her dry cleaning and picks her up at night.This has been going on for 18 months. Three times a week, she lugs the big bag to work, loaded down with books, getting through those really really long days. And he is right there, carrying those bags up to her office building, getting her coffee and delivering it at morning tea. I mean is this love or what? NOT. On the 3 days that Miss DC goes to Tafe, he’s found a part time chick. Brings her in those days for a coffee before they go home. I  heard him tell her that he works night shifts on the other days and weekends, trying to save money for them. My heart broke for Miss DC. Until I found out she was really only going to Tafe 2 days, not 3.  The other day she needed “me time”……

Strange isn’t it, how people think. Mr OJ didn’t think Ms Latte would notice the charges for some lingerie place on their credit card statement. Of course this gets done over breakfast. Must be something about French toast that brings it all out.I have tried to study the stats, tried to see if there are common factors. But its all quite random – it crosses age, sex and money. No difference if you are female or male, if you start out nice or a bitch.Its just how things go sometimes.Now for all those romantics, its not all bad. But I’m not here for that and where is the fun reporting that.

Until the next sordid chapter, see ya

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