Lust and Latte
A Blog by the Little VIVO Lady
She is the Warrior Waitress, also known as LVL. Think Basil Fawlty & Fawlty Towers meets waitress with attitude in the CBD.
Mmm, let me see. She's writing about you and all the little things that can happen when you think she's not looking.
Just when you thought it was safe to sip your decaff soy latte or enjoy your Turkish toast with "really light butter and a tiny bit of vegemite cooked to a golden but light brown almost honey colour." Seriously, think about it.
Lust & Latte is about love, hate, revenge, caffeine and the hospitality way. Little VIVO Lady is always in the right place at the right time to witness and report the antics of the CBD.
Do you know something she doesn't?
Tourists hit VIVO with odd behaviour
So, now that we have had way too much food but not nearly enough drink, there just may be a surplus of Jenny Craig candidates.
Judging by the closer fitting than usual suits, skirts & trousers and the enormous swing to skim milk I think it’s safe to say there are lots of chubby bubbies in George Street. I can see that Hug A Man Day on Wednesday’s may prove a “wider” challenge than usual.
I am not a big fan of the month of January normally, mainly because Lust & Latte doesn’t have all its bountiful and plentiful garden of victims to select from, but this year I have been deliciously surprised by the huge influx of tourists and their odd behaviour. No need to panic for Little VIVO Lady, I will cope. It’s not the same, but for some of you it may be a relief.
This is not a ‘Dear Rosie’ Column
As you all know, Lust and Latte is entirely made up of fiction – or is it? Of course it is. Strange things never happen here, and people never surprise me…. Nor do they participate in compromising activities in public. Well, almost never. And certainly never at VIVO. As part of our ongoing commitment to outstanding customer service, we believe it is our duty to communicate with you certain events and daily occurrences which could be of interest to our customers. So basically we’re dobbing.
And you thought VIVO was just a café!
This is not a Dear Rosie column. If you have lost your love or have a “rash” you can’t explain away, I AM NOT YOUR ANSWER. DO NOT EMAIL ME. On the other hand, if you know how someone got that rash or who took away their lover, then Lust & Latte is for you!
My Boss, A Prime Minister & Me
Why is it the more excited my boss gets about an event, the more I dread it? Why do her increased levels of excitement translate into my increased levels of work?
Come on people, its answer time. Why?
No Friends In Business
Have you ever noticed that some people mistake service for friendship? Have you ever noticed that some people think three visits to your business = friends?
I try not to notice these people. They are trouble. It all starts with “can I have a better table” to “can you get the chef to make me something different?” No. I can’t.
Scary Business
Don’t worry, I don’t bite. Unless I’m asked to or I just plain feel like it. Customers need to have a healthy dose of fear before I serve them. I find it makes my job easier. Sit when you are told, order when you are told, and respond when you are spoken to. These are the rules. Break ‘em and ….well lets just say DONT.
World Records – BIG deal !
Sure, it’s fine for you lot out in Social Media land, its easy to say “lets set a Foursquare world record”. But then you turn around and delegate. Delegate to the plebs who have to then actually make it happen. Let me tell you SM jocks, there is more to an event than a few key strokes and your tweeps. There is more to an event than your Facebook friends and LinkedIn amigos. There is menu, ordering, making and not to mention SERVING all these connections. Oh yes, SERVING these friends. It was a long morning, a long cold windy cyclone morning and I was not amused. Some of them didn’t even bother to move so I could get past and serve them. I’m flexible and svelte, but some gaps are not made for me.
Governing Women and Business
Women are trouble. Big statement? Yes. Am I a woman hater for saying that, or betraying my sisters? No. I said trouble, I didn’t say dumb or slow or painful. Just trouble.
Men are easy. Easy to serve, easy to work out and even easier to work a big tip from. Just takes a touch….
Women are trouble because we think, plot and organise. We rally. Think about it. There is no man movement. Men have really done nothing astonishing ever. They just exist. Women change laws, shift the very universe on its foundations just to get our own way. We have awards named after us, stars, flowers and cakes.
Leggy Business
Lets face it, I’m not always the most loved person at VIVO. I get hate mail, glares, sarcastic comments and general bad behaviour. You might say that it could be the result of my own bad behaviour -if you dared that is! Or you could look into it a bit more and examine the circumstances, a touch of CSI if you will. I am usually the enforcer, the organiser, the realist. And that mostly brings out the worst in others. If you are under the assumption that you can come into VIVO and do what ever your little heart desires, please rethink this concept. The customer is not always right, and if you are occasionally right, its because it works for us at that time. Have I managed to destroy your fantasy? Now lets talk about legs.
VIVO Cafe – Your Local Soap Opera
We all know that I am not really a waitress. Or at least not only a waitress. I am really the counsellor, the event organiser, the marriage referee, the ultimate PA, a great barista, an awesome warrior waitress and my boss’s right & left hand. Basically I fix everything while serving people. I observe the perplexing bad behaviour of people who frequent our establishment. The complex personalities who really find it difficult to behave well, but incredibly easy to behave and act like buffoons. And those who have sometimes either lost the plot or just left it at home for the day. Its not that I don’t like my job, its that I think maybe I like it too much. My people need me…..
Your Business Mother
“I am not your mother” is a phrase I must say about 100 times a day. To customers, other staff members and my boss (not out loud to HER you understand, I’m not suicidal – see HER blog http://blog.angelavithoulkas.com.au “Mothering Your Business”)
Its a strange situation when those who appear to be grown ups act like children and require mothering in the workplace. It appears that all maturity is stripped away once they cross over – walk in the front door basically. Male customers behave like pigtail pulling pre adolescents, female customers act like obsessed teenagers from Gossip Girl or Home & Away and my comrades, well THEY act like we are in a zoo. I blame the customers for this too.
